This article about the art of conversation appeared in a one volume encyclopedia in 1894. Fans of Victorian strictness and intolerance will find it to be particularly delightful, but every reader is likely to find at least some tips that are still useful to know of in the current day. —fadedpages.com

The art of expressing one's thoughts in clear, simple, elegant English is one of the first to be attained by those who would mix in good society. You must talk, and talk fairly well, if you would not altogether fail of producing some kind of impression upon society. To have something to say, and to say it in the best possible manner, is to insure success and admiration. The first thing necessary for the attainment of this valuable accomplishment is a good education. An acquaintance with the current literature of the day is absolutely essential to a good talker. A perfect familiarity with the English language, its grammar, pronunciation, etc., is indispensable. Those who have to contend with a lack of early advantages in this respect can supply the deficiency by private study, and close observance wherever good English is spoken. Above all should they avoid associating with those who express themselves incorrectly or vulgarly.

Nothing is so infectious as a bad accent or incorrect form of speech.

All affectations of foreign accent, mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are detestable.

Equally to be avoided are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, and undue use of French or other foreign words, and anything approaching to flippancy, coarseness, triviality or prevarication.

The voice should never be loud, no gesticulation should accompany the speech, and the features should be under strict control. Nothing is more ill-bred than a half-opened mouth, a vacant stare, a wandering eye or a smile ready to break into a laugh at any moment. Absolute suppression of emotion, whether of anger, laughter, mortification or disappointment, is one of the most certain marks of good-breeding.

Next to unexceptionable grammar, correct elocution and a frank, easy bearing, it is necessary to be genial. If you cannot be animated, sympathetic and cheerful, do not go into society. Dull and stupid people are but so many clogs to the machinery of social life.

The matter of conversation is as important as the manner. Tact and good feeling will, in people of sound sense, indicate the shoals and quicksands to be avoided in conversation, but for safety's sake it will be best to enumerate a few of them:

Complimentary speeches should be avoided, unless, indeed, so delicately put as to be scarcely discernible. Flattery is suggestive of snobbishness, particularly if it be paid to people of great wealth and high position. It induces disgust on the part of the receiver, and insincerity on that of the giver.

The habit of "fishing" for compliments is notably vulgar, and it is one in which a certain class of young people are very apt to indulge, especially among themselves in private. It indicates vanity in the angler and begets contempt on the part of the one who from interested motives nibbles gently at the bait.

All "slang" is vulgar. This fact cannot be too forcibly impressed upon the minds of the young people of this day, as the alarming prevalence of slangy conversational phrases is enough to cause our decorous fathers and mothers to rise in their graves.

Many of the daughters of our most wealthy and influential citizens have an idea that their position will excuse or gloss the vulgarity of a "cant" phrase now and then. Nothing was ever more erroneous. No position, however high, can excuse the vulgarity of this practice, and it is a grand mistake also to imagine slang to be a substitute for wit. We refer particularly to this habit among young ladies, as it is more reprehensible in them than in the opposite sex, although it indicates bad breeding on their part as well.

Scandal should be avoided above all things. It is a sin against morality as well as good taste.

Punning is a most objectionable habit in society. An inveterate punster is an intolerable bore, and unless a pun amounts to a positive witticism it should never be propounded in company.

Long arguments should be avoided in general company. They become tiresome to the hearers. Always endeavor to change the subject after it has continued a reasonable length of time.

Religion and politics are two subjects to be avoided in general conversation. People usually have strong prejudices on both these points, and it is a rule of good breeding to respect the prejudices of those about you.

Never interrupt the speech of another. This is an unpardonable sin against good-breeding.

A good listener is more to be desired than a fine conversationalist. In order to be a good listener you must appear to be interested, answer appropriately, briefly and to the point, and give your companion generally the impression that you are in sympathy with and highly entertained by what he is saying.

Avoid pedantic displays of learning.

All topics specially interesting to gentlemen, such as the farm and business matters generally, should be excluded in general society.

The expression of immature opinions is always in bad taste. Persons, young or old, should not attempt to criticise books or art unless positively certain that their knowledge of the subject is sufficient to justify the criticism.

Be very careful of introducing long-winded anecdote into the conversation. Nothing is more awkward than to find an array of bored faces when one is not more than half through a long story.

Repartee should be indulged in only moderately. Otherwise it may degenerate into flippancy, a habit much to be condemned in a certain class of young persons who think themselves unusually clever, or, as our American word goes, "smart."

In using titles, such as "General," "Doctor," etc., you must always append the surname if you are a stranger or any other than a most intimate friend. For example, you should say, "What did you observe, Doctor Gray?" not "What did you observe, Doctor?" Names should be used as little as possible, and never familiarly. Few solecisms give greater offense than a liberty taken with a name.

In addressing a person or title in England, "My Lord" and "My Lady" are seldom used except by servants. The Prince of Wales may be addressed as "Sir," and the Queen as "Madame." A Frenchman, however, whatever his rank, is addressed as "Monsieur," and a Frenchwoman, whether duchess or dressmaker, as "Madame." It would be as ill bred to omit to say Monsieur, Mein Herr and Signor, in France, Germany and Italy, respectively, as it would to say, Sir, Ma'am and Miss, as the servants do in this country.

The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation to your company or skillfully as may be.

People take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else which you can name. A wise host or hostess will then lead a mother to talk of her children, an author of his book, an artist of his picture, etc. Having furnished the topic, you have but to listen and acquire a reputation for being amiable, agreeable, intelligent and well-bred.

If you would not be unpopular, do not always be witty, no matter what your natural abilities may be in that line. People do not like to be always outshone.

Do not too officiously supply a word or phrase if a speaker hesitate for a moment; he will think of the one he wants or supply another in good time.

Never correct a fault in pronunciation or in facts, in company or in private, if you wish to retain a friend.

Avoid such colloquialisms as "says I," "you know," and other senseless repetitions that might be mentioned. Never speak of a person as "a party," nor refer to absent persons as "he" or "she." Give the name of the lady or gentleman referred to.

In telling a joke, do not laugh yourself before the point is reached. If the joke be original, do not laugh at all.

In a tete-a-tete conversation it is ill-bred to drop the voice to a whisper.

Egotism is always in bad taste. Allow others the privilege of proclaiming your merits.

Never speak of personal or private matters in general company.

Avoid as much as possible beginning a conversation with stale commonplaces, such as "It is a fine day," "The weather is charming," etc.

Do not speak slightingly of the city or neighborhood in which you may be visiting. By offending the prejudices of those about you, you render yourself extremely disagreeable.

Avoid all excitability and dogmatism in conversation. Nothing is more annoying than to converse with an arrogant, loud-speaking person.

Always yield the point in conversation if you find the argument is likely to become violent.

Avoid lavishing praise on the members of your own family. It is almost as bad as praising yourself.

It is exceedingly bad taste to parade the fact that you have traveled in foreign countries, or that you are acquainted with distinguished or wealthy people, that you have been to college, or that your family is distinguished for gentility and blue blood.

In speaking of husband or wife, do not use the surname alone. To, say "I was telling Brown," is extremely vulgar. Always prefix the Mr.

Always endeavour to contribute your quota to the general conversation. It is as much your duty to entertain as to be entertained. Bashfulness is as much to be avoided as too much assurance.

Never ask questions of a personal nature, such as what a certain article cost, or why so-and-so did not go to the opera. They are decidedly impertinent.

Look at the person with whom you are conversing, but do not stare.

Avoid loud laughter in society.

It you carry on the thread of a conversation after the entrance of a visitor, you should always recapitulate what has been said before his or her arrival.

Remember that "an excellent thing in woman is a voice low, but sweet," and cultivate a distinct but subdued tone.

Emerson says: "You cannot have one well bred man without a whole society of such." Elsewhere he says: "It makes no difference, in looking back five years how we have dieted or dressed; but it counts much whether we have had good companions in that time almost as much as what we have been doing."

Warning - This information has been transcribed from a source that is well over 100 years old. It may be incorrect or outdated in some cases. It is also possible that errors were made during the transcription process. This information is being made available for entertainment purposes only.